Domestic Blips

Skim milk and drafty houses - INSPIRED!

2011-07-07T03:56:00.001-07:00

A friend has just started a lifestyle change building in excercise and diet parameters...I should really take a leaf out of that book! I am growing and it's not just the baby inside. I have a severely under-used gym contract that's begging for attention. I'll have to get cracking and lose that baby weight after the little one arrives in September, no excuses thereafter. Ing, you're my inspiration!

I also haven't blogged in a hundred years - again Ing, you're my inspiration. Perhaps it's because I'm having one of those "I would rather pull my toenails out than work days!" Which is not strictly possible, because I have more work than time right now...so best I get cracking. If it weren't so dang cold inside I might be a little more inclined to get on with it too, I'm dying to get out somewhere with heating, like the shopping centre, just so I can feel my toes again. These old houses are full of holes and drafts and old insulation and this country wouldn't be able to decipher the words 'double glazing' if put to the test. Sure, it's warm 9 months of the year but do we have to die the other 3 months?!?!?! All this talk of drafty houses is making me want to have a hot chocolate but cause I'm inspired, I'll have a sugarless cocoa with skim milk!

I have not procrastinated another few minutes...so goodbye now or I'll be working late in to the night.

Tata x

From zero to hero

2011-04-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

So, the update...I got the dream job - great experience, effing crap boss so I quickly got pregnant, and quit the day I went on maternity. 1 year to the day I had come and gone. Not ego talking here but he begged me to stay, I told him the truth about working for him and we left it at that...

Now 2 years later, I am still very happily married and have a feisty little girl of 13 months with another cherub on the way. I am 4 months pregnant with a little boy - yay! we really wanted a boy this time. It's been a tough road. As most know having a child is a big learning curve and an endurance test that has no end...

It was scary leaving my job and having no income for a few months and even scarier wondering whether i would find something suitable thereafter. But I did, easily and it's taught me to stop fearing everything unknown - taking a leap of faith should come more naturally in future. Incidentally, I spent 6 lovely long months getting acquainted with Little Red and when I was ready I found the perfect job for a mother. Still in my line of work, I managed to find the 'work-from-home' dream job. I now work 6 hours a day for someone across the globe and I get to spend quality time with the family and other motherly chores.

I tend to get a bit cave-woman, for lack of having interacted with others in person, but if I make a plan to get out then I'm usually okay! Domestic Bli(p)ss in action!

Soon...soo soon

2009-01-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

This sounds positive right? This was in the letter sent to my potential new boss. I have now met everyone in the team except the new boss whose yet to come on board that they want me to meet before giving the offer letter...

" We have identified an excellent candidate that we’re confident fits all our requirements extremely well. We have all met with her and really like her, feel she is right for the job"

Anyway, so this is where I sit in limbo, a kind of purgatory. I have quit my current job and they're steaming ahead trying to replace me. They shouldn't have too much trouble, it's a seemingly glam job until you realise that you will never be allowed to make a single decision, not even the small insignificant one, nor will you be allowed to grow or outshine the boss and you will be shouted down at every turn 'cause by looking too good you make the boss look bad and your ideas are crap until they're palmed off as one of her own - then they're good. Look, it's hard to be replaced in front of your eyes- we literally sit on each other's laps - but I did resign and I'm a big girl with big girl panties and it's the best decision I've made in years - besides marrying the most gorgeous and wonderful man in the world, that is...

I'm not too worried, but sometimes I worry that I should be. I've never known a company to drag their feet so much and their lack of drive and get up and go worries me a little - will we ever get anything done?? Anyway, I had a fab holiday - WAS well rested (Was being the operative word). We went to the game reserve and I even got to see a leoard kill!!! Yessireee! I saw a leopard kill a buck - that's a sign in itself.

ooh ooh oooh - late breaking news. I'm meeting the new MD on Friday morning - I could cry knowing that I will know by the end of the week. Please gawd, let me impress the pants off him!

It's in the stars

2008-12-11T00:59:00.001-08:00

For the longest time, I've been trying desperately to figure out in what direction to head career-wise. I've felt kind of mired in my current job having lost a little bit of direction and self belief along the way. This tends to happen when you work for a megalomaniac. To be fair, she's not that entirely...I mean she's not heartless, she's more like the robot with the heart of Dr Snuggles fame. However, she has a little trouble deciding in some circumstances whether heart and head win over ego much of the time.

Anyway, as I mentioned, for the longest time I've felt that it's time to move on but didn't know how to or where to and perhaps the timing was wrong. It's funny sometimes how things seem to happen when they're meant to (often only once you've taken about as much as you could possibly take, you've descended in to the dolldrums of depression and you're holding the blunt spoon to your wrists. Hell, my writing has even been depressing, emotionless and uninteresting when the most wonderful and interesting things were happening in my private life. See, the thing is that if you're not enjoying your work, that thing you do for the better part of your week, when it's not fulfilling - it drags everything and everyone down around you.

So once the wedding was out of the way and all the huge work-related events abated and there was ray of light shining through the forest trees, I began walking towards it only to find that the path was clearer than I had initially thought.

I chatted to someone about it, they put me on to a friend and within a week of being back from honeymoon I had an interview in a really cool company. I've now had a second interview and a VERY lucrative offer. It doesn't matter that I don't feel that the job is entirely right up my alley - I just know now that I have options, that I'm in demand and that I've been underselling myself for way too long. And if that's not enough, I came across an old contact. Someone once sent out an email a few months back with some job vacancies on it and to recommend to friends. At the time I was bogged down in wedding planning, moving house, a huge work-related project, the life change anxieties of sharing my life wholly with someone and I just didn't get round to applying. So going through my mail to get rid of old stuff, I came across this email and against all odds decided to send them my CV and say, I know it's a few months too late but if you still have any of these vacancies open let me know if you would be interested in what I have to offer. She came back and said, sorry no but there's an even better job suited to your skillset from what I can see.

The job would mean a move on to a more middle/upper management level. My initial thought was, 'am i ready for this?' but now I know this job was made for me. So, after a telephonic interview they've asked me to come in and meet the rest of the team and the MD. I'm crapping myself but I'm so excited at the same time...I WANT THIS JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I'm stalling the other company who made me that offer and I'm crossing fingers, toes and anything else that will cross that I get this fabulous job. Help me put the good karma out there people!

Anyway, my point is that I couldn't see the wood for the trees, I felt anxious about a lack of clarity, the financial slowdown around the world and therefore the lack of opportunities to move around (hence the thought that I may have to sit tight for another hell-on-earth year), my lack of adequate skills, my lack of direction, the fact that Christmas time means a lack of job opps to apply for and every other concern you can think of.

And I feel so good about this job, I feel as though it's mine already, I feel like it's so right as if written in the stars...only I felt that feeling just last week when we placed an offer on a house that I thought was meant for us and they turned us down. If I don't get it, then it's just not meant to be and I'll keep on keeping on but I've got a great feeling about it.

I'll keep you posted.....and let you know if my unbelievably supportive husband had to pick up the broken pieces or if he got me drunk celebrating!

Just married

2008-11-23T23:57:00.001-08:00

The day before my wedding i was very very stressed. I could hardly shake off this annoying pressure. On the Saturday, I woke up completely calm and without worry...the day was here, I was excited, I was ready!

I arrived with my bridesmaids and brides'man' on a pontoon, which was quite fun. Although a storm was brewing and our hair was standing on end, a bit of a worry as we were the highest point on a metal structure and all that. But, we lived. We got wet, but we lived.

As the pontoon moored, the rains came pouring down. As I made my way down the gangplank, my husband to be ran to meet me with an umbrella, it was so romantic. So instead of walking down this beautiful aisle, we instead got married under the marquees. Which was fine and funny. The minister kept throwing random H's in to his sentences..."do hyooo take blah blah to be hyour lhawful whhheded husband?". I was borderline, I nearly peed in my pants trying not to laugh.

The rains dried up and we proceeded to have the best time. The wedding was so much fun...and our guest afterwards kept saying how wonderful the wedding was, that it was the best wedding they had ever attended. I said a speech in a very unbridal tradition. It was very difficult cause i was very emotional and there was a constant quaver in my voice and slightly tearful the whole way through. But people loved it, that it was from the heart...I forgot to say so much but could hardly get the basics out.

We socialised and danced til 2am and then others carried on. We had a little chalet right at the venue, so thank goodness didn't have to go far. I loved our wedding, we both did!!!

So it's 3 weeks later now. The honeymoon is over (and what a great honeymoon it was). I'll be honest and say that it is a HUGE adjustment, especially the living together part as we didn't do that before. I sway between chlosteraphobia - feeling like my life is no longer my own; to desperately happy crazy in love and wanting to be in physical contact with him all the time. And this pendulum moves between the two at least 10x a day. It's going to take some adjustment and that's the truth.

But, not for a moment have I thought that I've done the wrong thing so it's all good then.

Now, to find myself a new job. I have an interview on Wednesday - wish me luck!

4 days to go!

2008-10-28T01:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't been here much, and you'd know why if you'd ever planned a wedding. I do events a lot and even I didn't realise how much work it would be. There seems to be an endless list of little annoying things to do. I'm tired of making decisions - what earrings go with the dress, will you wear a necklace, what will it be, how will you wear your hair, what shoes will you wear, what bra will work with this dress, will you have menus on the table, are you having allocated seating, will the minister need a mic, where will we get a mic, will people be able to hear the music from the tent, do you have extension cords, what if it rains, which way will the chairs be facing for the vows, are you saying your own vows, will you repeat the vows or just say yes, have you written your speech, how long is your speech, who will you thank and who will i thank, will you be warm enough, what will people do whilst you sign the register, who will hold the petals and hand them out, will you do that before or after you've signed, where will you walk out, when will you take photos, what if the sun goes down, where do you want photos taken, who should be in what photos, who will do the music, what will people drink before the reception, where will people park, are you listen to me, are you crazy, arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!! i can't freaking take it anymore.

I want to be married to this man more than anything but the detail is extraordinary!!! Extraordinarily annoying, frustrating, pressurising and getting a little old! And he feels the same. It's like wading through mire to get to each other.

But, it's only 4 days away now. If I weren't so busy at work, I'd probably be having a meltdown. But instead I work til late, then I pack bags, tidy my place cause people from overseas are staying there, out seeing friends out from abroad, wrap bridesmaid presents and do wedding admin til i'm blue in the face. I've jotted down some wedding speech things but I haven't actually written it. EEEkk!

OK, i'll be fine. Wish me luck - just hoping my dress doesn't look like a dog's breakfast and that it fits. Fetching it tomorrow.

When does the fun part start?
Ok, I'm off for a while now. Wedding and honeymoon. Honeymoon in Madagascar - yeehah, can't wait.

xx

Blowing in the wind

2008-09-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

My man thinks he's marrying rich. We drew up the antenuptial contract the other day and I'm better off than him, even before you take in to account debt. Of course, this scenario won't last long as he's more upwardly mobile than I am, he gets a much bigger salary and he's a go-getter. I'm not a big go-getter! I'm not interested in climbing corporate ladders and kissing ass. I am dying to find work that is fulfilling and these jobs are usually badly paid in comparison. Which is fine. My needs are little. A few new clothes now and again, get out there and do stuff and some travel and I'm happy.

Hell, I'm even happy to camp instead of 5* hotel it (or I was). I once did an 8 month camping trip. I think back now and wonder how I survived. Particularly after this weekend where we went camping and I'm rethinking the whole camping vibe. It was so windy that the tent flapping left us unable to sleep much, sitting around the campfire was like constantly being slapped around the face with a plastic grocery bag. And to top it off, the Saturday night a cold front rolled in and we freezed our kahunas off that night. Flapping and freezing...not great combos when camping. I was wrapped in about 6 layers of clothing and still I couldn't get warm - chilled to the core. To top it off, my back was sore, a pinched nerve or something and I couldn't find a comfy spot on that thin matress. Misery reigned.

Sunday, everyone just wanted to hop in the car and head home as soon as possible. Which we did. I've never been so happy to be indoors and on my soft, warm bed. Our afternoon nap lasted 2.5 hours. It sure does make you appreciate the good things in life...

I put a clause in the ANC. He can have the tent in the event of a divorce.

Sanity break

2008-09-08T04:34:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon started in a neighbours apartment clinking champagne. She had been on her way quite a bit before I arrived and was telling me how gorgeous my fiance' was [after she bumped in to him for the first time downstairs]! She says I glow around him and when she first clapped eyes on him, she just knew he was the one, that he gives off such a good vibe. So votes are in...he's smashing! Although I didn't need anyone else to tell me that, I know how good I've got it and I thank Die Here every day for him!

Then having lost track of time I got in to shit from my buddies that were there to pick me up. They saw my car and when they didn't get a response either thought I had gotten abducted or fallen off the toilet and hit my head...not sure which. But just short of having the tracker dogs out on the loose, I turned up to have my head bitten off by them and everyone else they'd phoned and gotten all worried too. The mood continued in the car as my friend and driver got even more wound up as we made our way in the dark and rocky roads in her silver beamer
. Getting a little lost and bumping around a little too much for the precious car. Finally, we arrive at our weekend getaway and there's a veld fire burning the whole hillside black. But all started to look up after the first glass of wine. She started to relax and we all began to wind down and shake the city and it's pace off of ourselves. We sat eating cheese, cold meats and crackers, drank wine and talked in to the wee hours of the morning. The next day went something like this too but included sleeping in, drinking tea and eating rusks in bed, reading books, tanning by the pool, jumping in for a split second in to the freezing water.

My friend admitted to having real problems in her young marriage. They're the couple you aspire to be...it really shocked me. It made me think, it made me sad to think that if they can't make it, then who can?!?! It wasn't a nice thought and I don't like to think of things like this when I'm about to tie the knot. But at the same time, I need to learn from other's mistakes and make sure we don't slowly head down that road of degeneration, maybe it's a slow subtle process that's unavoidable. I really hope not. I plan to look at this man forever and be in awe of how lucky I am to have him at my side. I guess we all start off like that. But I'm in this to win this! I think it's important to think there's no out so you're forced to work through things. Obviously, unless you're being abused...there is never a good enough reason to stay under these circumstances.

I also read a book. In fact I force-read this book. Have you ever heard of a book called 'What I loved' by Siri Hustvedt. I know it is highly acclaimed and that's what confuses me. It's a load of wierdy shite! How darn wierd. Sure, the author had a little insight that was intriguing and well thought out but it gave me the same feeling that I got when I was reading 'American Psycho'.

Anway, I'm back - relaxed and excited about the week ahead. I came back to my pining fiance and it was good to be back in his loving arms.

Going going gone...

2008-09-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend I'm going away with my bridesmaids and a few others. We're going not too far from the city but definitely out where you can see the stars ablaze at night.

We're going to braai steaks and drink wine and beer and talk shit. Can't wait. Glad to get away for a weekend from the to-do list with the people I can be most myself with. Gonna miss my wonderful man, haven't seen him much lately but keen to leave the big city behind.

Going going gone...

The day or the thereafter?

2008-09-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

It seems that it's easy to mistake stress for excitement. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited and telling me that being engaged is the best time. Ummm...no it's not. anyone who says that never had to organise the damn thing...

Wedding planning is glamourised by movies and all sorts of other liars. It's so not glamorous, it's annoying. Maybe I'm not one of those brides...you know...the one's that care whether the icing on their cake is baby blue or royal blue, the one's that will spend their life savings on a dress they'll wear once, the one's that spend more time on making sure that one day is perfect rather than a little time of whether this person is right for you.

I know without a doubt that this person is right for me. I know that I have spent more time on pre-marriage counseling, and discussing with him wehther we want the same things in a life together, and aligning our desires and our future plans and how we get there. I know we've spent moments alone, just being alone and enjoying each other and affirming this. Like last night for example. I made dinner, we turned off the lights and lit the candles. We chatted and ate. We told each other what we love about the other person... in his language, we kissed and cuddled. We laughed and played silly and we affirmed everything we have. All without single mention of the wedding...what a feat!

Anyway, my dress is being made but it's simple. It was made by a seamstress, not a designer. My shoes I bought from a normal clothing store, nothing major, we're not having a wedding cake, we're having home-made brownies and ice-cream, we're not having a DJ, we're having a playlist on an IPOD, we're not having a fancy hotel meal, we're having lamb on the spit. We're having it on a farm, a basic farm under a tent and some people are even camping there. We're having instant coffee after and cold homemade soup for starters, we're having oil lamps and not flowers, we're not spending thousands on fancy photographers and videographers, we're asking friends to take pics and a local guy from the photo printing place...essentially we're not putting our folks in the poorhouse over one day of our entire lives. That's just plain silly.

The detail annoys me and it's unnecessary. The aim is to have people we love share this day with us, to eat with us, to toast with us and to dance the night away thereafter!

Now, on to the antenuptial contract...that's a tricky one. More on that next time...

Tokens of my love

2008-08-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

We just celebrated our one year anniversary. Seems long 'cause my Gawd, i've never been in a relationship this long but it also seems short, considering the fact that I'm going to be Mrs Wonderful Fiance in just 3 months time. I get a lot of 'crazy lady' looks when people realise we've been together so short a time but I just know, so why fuck around for another decade before tying the knot.

We celebrated at a shitty Tappas restaurant. No, we didn't know it would be shitty but my fiance (bless his soul) is never going to get a noddy badge for being romantic. He's just too practical and focused. He's kind of romantic in an every day setting, he's always telling me wonderful things that he loves about me, he's always bringing me flowers in the conventional (it's been 3 months) way and he's thoughtful...but he struggles to think creatively in a drop you notes under your pillow kind of way. He's just too practical and straight in his thinking. The element of surprise is not his friend either. If he has a secret, he wants to share it with me. He could never keep it from me for months, weeks, days even - he'd be bursting for me to figure it out so he could get it off his chest.

So, I did a little quick and creative thinking and this is what I did. Bearing in mind, that I did this all last minute cause work is my constant and annoying companion of late...

I got him a few items and put them in a bag. I wrote a letter to explain them:

1) Book on the environment.

YOUR PASSION! What I love about you most is your passion. You decide to do something and you do it with gusto, you follow your course to completion unwaveringly and you did this in making your recent career change in to environmental work. This book is to help fuel your passion as you're inspiring me to do in mine.

2) Bottle of massage oil

YOUR CONSISTENT AFFECTION! You are consistent in your praise and adoration of me and I love this about you. You never use affection as a commodity and I feel completely showered with attention. This oil is so that I can give you a little affection and attention in return so that you know that I care as deeply and consistently for you.

3) Photo of the two of us in a frame.

YOUR LOVE FOR ME! I love how you love me. I never wonder if you love me or care for me or find me irresistable. This is a token of my love for you. If you ever wonder, then look at the two of us in this picture, and see it as a token of my unwavering devotion to you.

4) Earplugs

YOUR TOLERANCE! I love that you always try to understand how I'm feeling or putting up with me when you maybe think i'm being unreasonable. Sometimes I'm bitchy and I moan about things and this is for those times. (And you can use them to tune out the sex-crazed screamer upstairs from you too!)

5) Bottle of champagne

YOUR FUN SIDE! You never fail to lift me up when I'm down. I love the way we joke and laugh and enjoy each other's company. You're the bubbles in my champagne of life. I love how we can be silly with each other. You're my partner and my best friend. Let's drink to many more years of fun, tolerance, affection, love and passion!

Then I got all dollied up for dinner in front of him so he'd know what was underneath all that clothing all through dinner. tsk tsk!

Conquering fear and pain and past pain and past lives

2008-08-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I experienced two shake 'em up phenomenons this weekend...

On Saturday I had 'a body remembers pain' experience, according to our Pre-marriage counselor and on Sunday I had a life-affirming fear of heights experience.

Either way, this weekend did not slip under the emotional radar.

In therapy I started crying for no apparent reason. Turns out that something my partner does triggers a past hurt. I felt like such a tit and imagine my surprise at discovering this...I hadn't made any links at all....doh! So I cried...my poor fiance - he was taken aback but it further cemented in both our minds that we so love each other and are so right for each other and that we're willing to do anything to make it work well.

Sunday, I went trad rock climbing, multi-pitch. Needless to say, it was pretty high up. As I looked out over the treetops of this canyon and then up at the rock face that seemed to have no visible hand or footholds, I kind of lost the plot TWICE. I felt completely immobilised and I was on the verge of tears and likely to be clinging to a rock til after sundown. I eventually just did it (as practically I really had no choice), talking to myself audibly, I kept saying, it's nothing...imagine its on the ground, you have no choice so just do it you pussy!!!!!! And so I did it, miserably, daunted and never wanting to do it again. My fiance saw the fear in my eyes and felt so bad for 'making' me do it. "I'm so proud of you sweetie but I understand if you don't want to do it anymore!"

Will I or won't I? That is the question. Is conquering your fear all it's cracked up to be? Certainly didn't feel great.

Life affirmation and struggle everywhere you look - i was kind of glad to see Monday roll around - go figure!!!!

Two Wolves

2008-08-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between the two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Trapped in a state of anxiousness

2008-07-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

I am trapped in a state of anxiousness. It's been a common denominator with me lately - too much on my plate, general job dissatisfaction, where is my life going questions, sharing my life with someone and all that silly stuff. BUT...

Further compounding this is the fact that I have to appear on television tomorrow. It's stressing me out BIG TIME! I have done this before and felt completely ill with nerves. I did it and must have used the word 'HUGE' in every sentence, and every context...that amounted to about 10 times that I said it. *sigh* *heavy burdeoned sigh*

The problem is that I have to answer a barrage of questions and trust me, they aren't easy ones, complex questions that require complex answers that I'm not sure I have the best knowledge to answer. I'm going to have to act like a politician to get through this...how evasive can I be? And did I mention that it's a live show...OMG I'm dying of nerves right now. Will I sleep, not bloody likely?!?!

Anyway, writing it down makes me feel like a drama queen but I do feel queasy with all this responsibility. Let's hope no-one is up at that time of the morning!!! OH please!

Best I go and get some Rescue Remedy. Taking flaxseed oil now to bridge those synapses and will go for a run later to occupy myself and get a little frustration out of the system.

Woe is me...wish me luck and pray I don't make complete and utter tit of myself.

Angels watching over me

2008-07-02T00:33:00.000-07:00

A week ago I had a mini collapse, not physically but emotionally. After a stressful day at work I rushed off to my dancing class and my teacher had forgotten about me and arranged a private lesson with someone else. I was miffed but, as you do, i pretended it was no problem.

Ofcourse I wasn't okay, it was going to be the light at the end of my day, it was going to be the dance it away quickfix that made it all okay and i had fought through traffic and run up the stairs to get there on time and now I had just compounded that anger. So I went to the supermarket and sat outside in the parking lot debating whether i was going to go inside and buy a box of cigarettes. It seems to be a throwback habit that I turn to in times of desperation and frustration.

We had a party at a friend's house a few weeks back and someone had left a box of cigarettes there. Now I know this friend would've just left them down in her cellar and so i called her up and told her that i needed one fix but that i didn't want to buy a box. so I went over there. I told my whole sob story and her and her husband cheered me up. Then we went downstairs in to the cellar, drank wine and smoked. She pulled out her Angel Cards and gave me a reading. It was uncanny.

My question was, how do I make this all okay.
The first card is supposed to be the orgination of the problem and it was the Outdoors card. This makes sense because currently in my job I'm feeling trapped and I need to get out and about.

The 2nd card is supposed to be the current situation. This was Health. My current situation is that I've just recently gone to an endocrinologist to sort out my thyroid and other imbalances in my system. He's given me a whole lot of natural supplements and I'm already feeling much better and sharper.

The 3rd card is supposed to be the outcome. This was Career Change. Well blow my socks off,if this ain't the truth. Now I just need to figure out what I want to do, how to do it and then pluck up the courage to move out of my comfort zone.

I'm scared. But I'm looking at the new year. The next few months must be dedicated to figuring out what i want to be when i grow up.

Not so sure about it's effectiveness - but try angel card reading online - http://www.consciousone.com/angelcards/angelcardsview.cfm

Debt free under a dark cloud

2008-06-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

I promised myself that I wouldn't make this blog about whining and bitching and moaning and slagging off my boss...i've already slipped in to an old pattern and I hate myself for it. Dagnamit! I need reigns connected to a bit in my mouth and those leather eye blocker things that horses wear to keep them focused on the track, and whilst we're on this horse analogy, I need a horse crop for kinky stuff...aaaah there I go again -- not maintaining focus.

I woke up under a dark cloud this morning. actually i think it kind of arrived last night before i went to sleep (which means I'm allowed to not have to use caps today). Betrothed started arguing with me about wedding numbers and how he just wanted his 2 closest friends, brother and parents at his wedding and now it's gone off track and there's more people than we can shake a stick at. well, if we had a dime for every betrothed that has had this gripe at some point we'd be the owners of the queen's billions, wouldn't we? i got cross with him for arguing a moot point. this was an argument for 2 months ago mate - get with the programme. don't come with pointless crap too far down the line, it just winds me up. and i never wanted a wedding where i had to pick my 2 best friends in the world and just have them there, i have more good people in my life than that, always have, always will. i'm not causing world war III over not having invited some family member for the sake of an admin free wedding, that's not worth it.

then another story this morning that saw him begging me to apologise to a friend of his for something I don't think i was wrong about. now that really got me hot and bothered and i suspect this is my cloud for the day and we all need to just accept it.

anyway, off topic cause i can't even humour this cloud anymore...
i feel i need some creativity in my life - i feel the need to create something - perhaps for a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of something new, a feeling of something unique, possibly just an escape. the past few days i've been feeling such a dire need to shop, i'm almost desperate to buy some nice new piece of clothing. but i have 2 cupboards of clothing and i'm supposed to be clearing space for betrothed in my life and he keeps complaining about where he's going to fit in and how i need to start throwing stuff out to make space for him. i'm a stubborn git though and when i'm told to do something i have a tendency to dig my heels in. guess this is a demonstration of what i'm capable of. anyway, i went to the shop this morning and i was totally restrained. i wanted 4 pieces and i put them all down and walked out with a bran muffin.

one more thing, i'm quite chuffed about. "I owe no man money"!!!! i remember my dad teaching me that when i was small...he always used to say it to us kids and i can say that i have achieved that. i have paid off my homeloand 100%, i have paid off my car 100% and i have no debts, not one, nadda, nothing, i'm financially free! it's quite a liberating feeling i have to say. now how many people can say that they've achieved that by 33???

ok, finally i'm all typed out. good to get that shit off my chest.
it's friday and i'm going to work like a trojan now, so i can go home and enjoy my weekend carefree.

What's consistent in my life: bosses and boys

2008-06-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

I feel shitty - I have a headache, a temperature, sinus, dry eyes and I feel like I'm coming down with flu. On top of that my boss is putting a lot of pressure on me and everytime I look at her, I imagine myself poking her in the eye then walking out before this big event we have to organise so she can fully appreciate the contribution I make whilst she swans around and does no work. I don't get paid enough for this shit, I really don't.

I mean, how many breakfast and lunch meetings can you do without raising flags at a NGO???? You're a hypocrite and have double standards...lead by example 'cause you're not fooling anyone! And this is what really gets up my nose!

Anyway, this shouldn't detract from the wonderful long weekend away that I just had. A bunch of friends out of the city, on top of a hill, hiking, climbing, sitting around campfires drinking gluhwein...having a darn good time.

And it shouldn't detract from the fact that whilst I work late, my man is at home organising me some kind of surprise...he seemed so excited when he phoned to see what time I would be home, that I don't have the heart to tell him that I feel like drowning in a bath of hot Lemsip right now...

I realised this weekend why I love this place, it's truly a beautiful country if you look past the glaring complexities and I feel a deep connection with nature that you don't get in many places.

Time to go home and be (un)surprised by the kindness and generosity that is so consistently given to me by Betrothed. Soooo lucky!

Begging trends

2008-06-09T02:34:00.000-07:00

I don't want to seem callous, but I do live in a country where poverty is part of every day life. Don't get me wrong, I am often gripped by guilt for being blessed and I often give to charity...I just don't choose to do it at a traffic light all to often. I prefer to do it the formal route or when I find myself moved to do so based on the individual...

On our way back home from a wonderful 3 course dinner on Saturday night (I'm aware of the disparity this little picture presents), after a romantic meal where Betrothed and I spoke of how wonderful our lives are, how lucky we are to have jobs, spare money for luxuries, each other and to have had blessed and safe passage...we stopped at a traffic light whilst waiting for our turn to go and watched a young man flick flack across the intersection. He then waved and asked for money.

And Betrothed said to me, isn't it amazing how begging trends have changed over the years. And it is amazing, you won't believe the ingenuity of the average beggar on the street....here are some of the begging trends over just the past 3 years in my city:

- Flickflacks across intersections by young guys who like to shnarf glue. Your money will go to their next glue purchase.
- Rubbish collectors go around asking if you have any rubbish in your car you want to throw away, then you tip them
- The Big Issue/Homeless Talk guys (still a sort of begging as I've never come across anyone that has actually read the mag they bought - technically still charity)but my preferred kind 'cause actually they're trying to sell something
- The blind family member being led around with a younger seeing person who collects money on their behalf, not sure if the blind person gets much out of this deal.
- Using your kids to boost people's charitble spirit...either they send the kids to do it themselves with Bob Martin puppy dog eyes or they take the kid with them hoping they'll sway the giving hand. I may do this if I were dirt poor but it breaks my heart and probably the spirit of this young person too early on. What are you teaching them - survival or to expect something for nothing?
- The window washers that got militant. They would schlop dirty water on your windscreen and start rubbing. This made people irate. if you didn't pay up they kicked your car - police put an end to this one.
- The limp/crutch beggar
- The new white disposessed beggar looking like they would drown in their own shame, which shocked people at first but is becoming increasingly common
- The sit on the ground at the lights beggar that people could just drop money in to a big bucket beggar
- The general looking shabby and come to each window looking forlorn beggar
- The original 'funny' placard beggar - "My wife ran away with my best friend and my car and then my dog ate my briefcase - please help with some change"
- The general "Wil doo any work for munney or some change pleze" beggar, all spelt badly
- The "my car broke down and i just need R10 for petrol to get home" lady beggar flagging you down at the side of the road who when you stop is a fullblown drug addict looking for a sponsor for her next fix
- The musician playing trumpet for you whilst you pay for your parking ticket at the machine beggar

Anyway, it's not funny that people are in such desperate need but it's quirky to see these trends come and go. If we could take this ingenuity and make it useful...wow!

Jump for your love - jump in

2008-06-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

Just before my betrothed dished up dinner last night, I took a shower. Washed away my sweaty 30min on the bicycle and treadmill. I'm aware that this isn't a lot but for some reason I smelled life hoofrot nevertheless. Thinking I was doing the world a favour here...I washed my hair.

Staying at My Betrothed turns mundane chores into true dilemnas for me. This man is what you would call a minimalist...if you're not likely to get a blanket on the bed for these chilly winter months then there's no hope in hell that you'll get a hairdryer. And never mind that...that's jumping way ahead here...the man uses Colgate Shampoo. You know the one that looks like a mini-warhead,the one that costs about a dollar, the one that makes your hair feel like straw. I got out the shower feeling like I'd been pulled backwards through a warzone, mini-warheads and all...craving conditioner like I'd never craved anything in my life before this point.

So, I'm sitting across from him having dinner. It's so damn cold ($50 for the person who can spot a heater), I've got this 80's tapered leg blue tracksuit on that comes right up to under my boobs, over that I've got a fleece zipped up to the top giving my tracky top underneath a distinct tutu effect, and over the tapered trouser leg, I've got Betrothed's super thick thermal hiking socks, postman on a bicycle style. I look a real treat.

After dinner we move to serious conversation. We're about to get married right, and we've decided the pre-marriage counseling is a very sensible thing to do. So before we go and we're there in the counselor's room and put on the spot, we think it's wise to get our story straight. So the topic moves to how we'll manage our finances.

We think it's a good idea to have our own separate bank accounts, pay personal stuff out of there and transfer approx. 40% of our salaries in to a joint account each month for groceries, rent, holidays, joint petrol, furniture, etc etc. of which both of us have a debit card. Great sorted. But Betrothed's eyes keep going to my hair. I look wild, i know i look wild. He says he likes this, but then he starts laughing. I'm trying to be serious here man...

As we're about to go to bed he says, you look like Van Halen (Eddie?? Looking at the picture, could justifiably be any of the band members) so I do my rendition of Jump holding my air guitar and jump air leg spits, we laugh til we cry. Then I see myself in the mirror and I cry for real. Van Halen would be insulted. Betrothed says I'm cute and nuzzles me...I'm not looking forward to the day the rose tinted glasses crack on that man.

Back on the bicycle

2008-06-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

In a fit of no...not giggles...boredom perhaps...I deleted my old blog...Nerrie a trace of who I once was, what I once whined about, nor old blogging contacts. Infact, it was rather liberating. I found myself again, and not from behind a computer screen. Blogging is afterall a bit sad if you're out there looking for validation, confirmation, a virtual arm around your virtual shoulder, desperate for comments, doing the dance of joy for 5 visits a day - I didn't like who I was becoming. Oh, and I fell in love and it's importance ceased to exist for a while

Let's face it, half the struggle is keeping up with the Jones'! oh she's dang funny and I'm slipping in to a coma reading my own thoughts...hell you're not actually going to write that down for someone else to read?!?!!? And blogging requires real concerted effort - for petesake, I don't even keep up with my real live in the flesh friends quite as often as I began to my cyber-cronies

But here I am, back...but this time with a more purposeful mindset. Like Pinky, like The Brain - I'm going to take over the world...just one step at a time. Actually, maybe I'll remain insular in my little wedding plan world and then now and again do something small that perhaps touches someone else in a small way. I really just miss warbling. I'm going to write things down, all anonymously and I don't care if anyone comments and I don't care if anyone doesn't. And I'm not going to comment back, unless I'm moved to do so.

On here, I will have DIY stuff, some wisdom, some recipes, some anecdotes, some slices of life, some wedding planning and relationship effluent. I'll try to keep it practical or at the very least lighthearted or maybe just meaningful or something at any rate, but really I reserve the right to stray even from this most broad of topics, any time the moment takes me...

Real meaning...

2008-06-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

3 whole things happened today, only one happened with real meaning:

1. I woke up (well whoopdedoo)
2. I did the wild monkey dance with the love of my life
3. I worked (well dingaling)

Guess which was meaningful...

And in upcoming news on more boring escapades...I'm off to run nowhere on a treadmill, whilst looking at a wall and someone else's sweaty crack whilst taking myself off to my happy place (see point 2).